Tested Tried and Tired but doing so cheerfully

Today was one of the very best days I've had in a long time. I really felt God's love for me today in some of the most unexpected ways. For a long time, probably since Haddie has been born, I felt like God had forgotten about me or just had me set aside on the back burner. I've been struggling with the dark battle of depression, not really being able to pinpoint it on any one thing. In my mind I just thought people were dealing with much bigger issues than I was so God didn't need to worry about me as much. I know He loves me but I needed to FEEL it again. I can see now that He has been putting things in my path like, "Helloooo?? Danica, LOOK, RIGHT HERE!! This is me helping you, guiding you, I'm listening, now listen to me!!" The only two people who know I have been battling this is my darling, supportive husband and my loving mother. My husband getting the worst of it. Picking fights, crying episodes, messy apartment, struggling with my testimony, the list goes on. I'm really ashamed of how I have acted. But, I suppose it's all part of the process.

I keep thinking to myself, "I didn't sign up for this." "This is not how it's supposed to be." But I still don't know what I have been expecting. This last month I have been hit hard with direction, love and support but was so hung up on "This is just what I have to live with and how it's going to be" that I was missing all the signs of help. How many life savers can God throw a drowning person before He just gives up and  thinks, "Well, she obviously doesn't want the help and can fix it herself, I'm done trying."? The answer? The only answer is, as many as He needs to until you finally put on that dang life jacket and hop in the boat! I feel so silly for sitting there with a hundred life jackets around me, I'm drowning and still trying to flap my arms around to keep my head above water. I'm tired and exhausted.

   Emmett and I were just talking to our Home Teachers today, two members  of the church who come to visit us each month and share a spiritual message. A lot of the time home teachers will ask how you are, if there is anything they can do for us. Well, the obvious answer is that I'm good and no, we don't need anything but thanks for asking. Which of course is what I always said. But really I'm screaming inside saying I needed help but I didn't know with what and I'm not doing too well but I can't tell you why, because I don't know! Depression is a real thing. A huge percentage of people deal with it everyday. We got on this subject with our home teachers, it was the first time I openly discussed this 'problem' with anyone outside my husband and mother, in much depth. I finally felt free. I was expecting for it to just disappear, cat's out of the bag, we're all good here now! But unfortunately it doesn't work like that. I told them this: Struggling with depression is like walking around with a missing limb. Apart of me just didn't feel 'normal'.  I was afraid people would look and think of me as a person with a handicap if anyone knew what I was trying to overcome. I had to be the ONLY one dealing with this. Truth is, I can't do it alone. In reality, having depression or missing a limb is NOT a handicap and if you talk to anyone living with one of these or the other would probably agree. I'm the only one who can make it a handicap, and I have been. It became an excuse. Well, obviously it's not a good day for me so I can't do the dishes. I can't make dinner.  I can't move from the couch. I can't read my scriptures, say my prayers or actively participate in Family Home Evening. I just CAN'T feel the spirit anymore. I made a deal with my Heavenly Father when I was baptized into The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. I would keep the commandments, read my scriptures, pray everyday, love others, serve others, go to the temple often, love my family, TRUST IN HIM and in return He would lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. And most of all, LOVE ME. 

I felt short changed this last year. Where's the spirit and love I felt when I was baptized and the acceptance this last yr or so? Well, looking back now, who wasn't keeping their half of the bargain? ME. I have everything and everyone I need right in front of me and these people and things just keep knocking on my door like, "Hey! Let's count your blessings!"Life line after life line. I had been asked to speak in church (which gets me really nervous) and I shared stories straight from my journal about my conversion and the love Heavenly Father has for me. I cried. I felt His presence so much in my life right then but I guess that still wasn't enough of a wake up call to me. Tonight the sisters in my ward (church community) had a fireside, a spiritual thought from a couple speakers. Some sisters bravely shared their heartbreaking experiences they have had to overcome, and really, in a mind boggling sort of way, were blessed with. They shared how these trials brought them closer to the Lord, even if at first, and even for many years later, they felt abandoned by Him. The room was strong with the spirit and heavy hearts. But I know each and every person in that room left with a lifted spirit and a brighter hope. If I'm wrong, I can at least say that I sure came out a new person. Refreshed. I know it's ok, and actually a positive thing, to share our stories with others. Especially if it means you can help someone in some way or another and find others going through what you are too. Tonight, so many women connected with others they maybe had never even talked to before and because of that, love spread like wildfire and the ever so dim light of hope sparked a fire again. A few of my favorite words of hope expressed tonight were these and I hope they bring you as much comfort as they did me.

"This will NOT beat me! I will NOT be a victim!"

"How did you overcome it?"

"I was on my knees and in the scriptures...A LOT."

"The Lord has a plan for me. Shall I falter or shall I finish?"

"I shall finish."

"And it came....to PASS."

 We may not all be going through something as tragic as losing a child, or battling cancer, but our trials are real. Some harder than others. But that does not mean that our Heavely Father can't feel our pain or loves us any less. It doesn't mean He is leaving us behind thinking we can't keep up so we might as well forfeit life.  I'm humbly writing this now, but I know I'll have days, probably sooner than I'd like to admit, that I'll feel low and lonely again but I know I'm not. I know if I hold up my end of the bargain that my Heavenly Father will too. And even if I don't, He will continue to keep his foot in the door and and maybe give me a kick or two, throwing life lines left and right until I finally snatch one and accept the help. I'm grateful for the trials I have had in my life. A lot that will be lifelong battles, that make me dreary somedays, but because I know I have a loving husband, family and extended family, a spiritual family, that will never leave me alone. I know that whatever trials we are enduring, we need to keep enduring till the end. That there WILL be an end, and we are bigger than them. Come unto Christ and we can overcome anything, better and stronger than when we went into them. Serving others brings hope, spreads love and can present the most humbling of experiences. I know that no matter how many life lines we let drift off and crash in the waves of our trials that there will always be another thrown our way. It's up to us to prepare ourselves for those the best that we can. It's important to ask for help when needed. This does NOT make you a weaker person. It's also important for us to let God use us as His tools, His life lines, like these women did for me tonight. He loves us SO much, we are literally children of God and He wants to help us. He wants the best for us. He trusts us to make our own decisions. We already made the best one by deciding to come to Earth to live this life, knowing we were to be tried and tested. We must do everything we can to return to our Heavenly Father. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.

Doctrine and Covenants 78:17-18:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great the blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, BE OF GOOD CHEER, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours."

PS, I love you all. That's why you should read this talk.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng

Death by cookies: How I survived

Ok so a few months ago I got what I thought could possibly be the most brilliant idea ever. 

(Which it turned out that it WAS the most brilliant idea ever). 

PEANUT BUTTER-CHOCOLATE CHIP-PRETZEL COOKIES.

When I ran this idea by my husband, who is a sweet-a-holic, he didn't look very sold on the idea. The only thing he said was, "Pretzels?" YES! Yes, pretzels! Let the record show that when his sister tried these she had said that the pretzel is what made the whole cookie! So since his reaction was not what I had expected I ditched the idea for a while. Until a few nights ago that is. 

We had just moved into our new place, with our things ALMOST all put away. I was on top of my game with dinner done, cleaned and on a roll in my new kitchen when I had a hankering for baking. 

Emmett's brother and his friend were over and they were totally lost in their multiplayer game so I just got started. When I had asked the guys if they smelled cookies they all perked up from the computer screens real quick! When I told them what kind of cookies I was baking they seemed uninterested at that point. I was determined to make them believers. 

(Two out of the three converted to my pretzel ways and the one that didn't was only because he doesn't like chocolate!)

After posting on my Instagram and Facebook about my new creation I had many friends asking for the recipe. Well friends, here it is! 

I did look up a recipe for reference but like everything else I just made it my own. 

So feel free to change, add or take away whatever you feel is necessary.

• 1 1/2 cups of all purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp. of salt
• 1/4 tsp. of baking powder
• 1/2 cup of butter at room temperature
• 1/2 cup of tightly packed light brown sugar
• 1/3 cup of granulated sugar
• 1 egg 
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 cup milk chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup peanut butter 
• 1/2 cup broken up pretzel pieces     

DIRECTIONS:

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees

1. In a med bowl combine flour, salt and baking powder and set aside.

2. In a larger bowl add butter and both sugars and mix until fluffy. Once fluffed add the egg, vanilla and peanut butter to the mix.

3. Add the flour mixture SLOWLY. (I mixed it in about a 1/2 cup at a time.)

4. Once that is completely mixed in add the best parts! (choc chips and pretzels)

A couple of the recipes I came across said to cover and refrigerate for an hour but if you're like me and just can't wait-don't bother. I didn't and they were perfect still.

5. Place small balls of dough on a cookie sheet. (They really don't need much space between them because they don't flatten out much. Mine were pretty crammed on there and didn't touch after baking a while.) Bake for about 10 mins. (I baked them about 10 and they were ever so slightly crunchy on the outside but soft, chewy and dreamy on the inside. MMmmMMMmm) 

The death by cookie was me indulging as many of these as I could in a span of 5 minutes. How I survived? Well, I decided I'd share. So if you find yourself scarfing down too many of these I suggest passing some out-if you have the will power. Yes, seriously, they are THAT good! Enjoy, friends!

REVAMP-A-TIZE me Capn'

Since my post about the newly revamped night stand/end table I did I received a TON of positive feedback! I had numerous amounts of people telling me that they would buy something like that and that I should start a small business. Well folks, I'm pleased to announce...

I TOOK YOUR ADVICE!!

Recycled Refurbished Revamped is up and running.

Well, it's more like a slow walk eh, becoming a jog?

Well you get it. I'm just getting started and I'd love the help. 

It's all about making your old items new again. Recycling. Revamping. I will hopefully have people bringing me their furnishings/items and we can go over a personal and custom made design, but I'd also like to have items up for sale as well.

So if you could, "Like" the page and spread the word!

I'm hoping to do a few more projects soon so I can have more examples of my work. I'd really like to be able to sell a few of these items soon so I can continue the work. 

Also, any and all advice is welcomed. Just be nice about it aye? ;) 

People are always doing give aways and such and I want to try something out like that eventually but I need to be able to pay for the shipping. 

So basically, any ideas are encouraged :) 

Thank you all for the help, the support and I hope this thing works out. I know with all your help it could be so great!

Chicken Dinner Especial

Tired from work or school ALL day?

Just need a break?

But still have a family of mouths to feed?

Well here is your answer to those problems! 

I decided to whip up something for dinner tonight that would be quick and easy. The oven did most the cooking and that's the way I like it. 

In our home we almost NEVER use a recipe. I just think up the ingredients I have/want and figure out what I can concoct from it all. As far as measurements go, ehh well that's a guessing game as well. 

But let me tell ya I have yet to find something that I absolutely could not swallow or finish and my husband is my biggest critic when it comes to food. If he eats it, I know it was ok, if he has 2 servings I know he liked it and if he has more than 2 servings and cant seem to do anything but lay down after the meal I know he LOVED it :)

This would be a loved meal.

Let's get back on topic here. Ok so tonight I wanted something simple, easy and delish and luckily got all three! Thought I'd share it with you, you lucky dog ;)

Guys, Imma be honest with you.  NEVER have I made chicken as tender as I did this one. It literally would melt in my mouth. Ok just saying! Onward!

I didn't plan on blogging about this venture so I dont have any pictures of the process. But I have an aftermath one that is poorly taken from my horrible camera phone. Enjoy!

Here's what you'll need: 

(This recipe was almost overfilling our 9x13 in casserole dish.)

2 cups cooked rice

3 small chicken breasts thawed

Half an onion chopped

3 SMALL jalepenos finely chopped

Half a small bag of frozen broccoli

2 cans cream of chicken soup (I used 10.5 oz)

1 packet onion soup mix

1/2 cup italian bread crumbs

PREP:

Set oven to 350 degrees.

First I cooked the rice. 

Mix the bread crumbs and onion soup mix in a small bowl and set aside.

While the rice was cooking I began slicing and dicing. I cut up the chicken into small strips and cubes.

I chopped the onion and the jalepenos.

Place the chicken in the crumby mixture and make sure to get all sides completely covered. 

Look at this like a lasagna. Layer on layer..

I poured in some of the chicken juice at the bottom of the dish for extra moisture then I added the rice to cover the bottom.

Next, pour out the cream of chicken soup and spread evenly over the rice. 

Add the chicken on top.

Pour over the broccoli, onion and peppers. 

I sprinkled the top with maybe a tsp of garlic powder and cayenne pepper.

(This dish was spicy! We like it that way but if you don't I would leave out the cayenne pepper OR the jalepenos)

I covered it with tin foil and baked it for exactly an hour. No shorter, no longer.

This all took me maybe 15 mins of prep time and then the hour of having the oven do all the cooking. I pretty much sat my bum on the couch thinking of all the cleaning I should have been getting done while it baked. 

Can I get an "Ovens amen!"?

(Ovens amen? Yep, it's passed my bed time)

Revamped

As we all know I have been fighting a cold for almost two weeks. Finally I went to the Dr and they told me I have the symptoms of Bronchitis. Luckily I was prescribed some AMAZING cough syrup and it started helping the very first day. That was about 3 days ago. I'm not 100% yet but my voice is back and I have some much missed energy!

In fact, today I was able to do some errands. My poor Haddie Cakes is sick and my sweet hubby too so they stayed home to sleep. While out and about I came across a yard sale where they had lots of furniture pieces. One stuck out to me amongst the others. It was only $2 and within 5 minutes of contemplating it was bought. By yours truly. 

I have been wanting to try refurbishing a piece of furniture for a long time and I finally had the opportunity! So I went to WalMart and bought some paint and sand paper, got home and started my adventure.

Not so pretty, but it had potential!

I started by using the sandpaper on the top. Once it was smooth I cleaned her up and started painting. 

It looks more lavender in these pictures but the paint I used is called Sanctuary Rose.

And here she is! I'm pretty much in love with er'. First time I've ever attempted Chevron anything. She just needs some new knobs and she will be good to go! I've also been thinking I will one day get some pretty wallpaper and line the drawers. I can't wait to put it in our new home!

#PROUDOFMYSESLF

Honey & Cinnamon Suicide

As some of you may know (and have sadly witnessed) I got sick last week and have since lost my voice. Scratchy throat + sore throat + cough =no voice  and that pathetic equation = a sad Danica. 

This morning I got this bright idea to hunt down a cure. I have been chugg-a-luggin Chloreseptic spray and lets just all be grateful it's alcohol free or I'd be down for the count for suuure. It has not even helped a bit. I've inhaled steam like it's a cure for cancer, eaten way more popsicles than I'd like to admit and even tried the nasty Emergen-C stuff that you know I despise with my whole being.

So I went searching for a remedy that was sure to please and came across THIS site. 

Lets all sing together to the tune of that Mary Poppin's song about a spoon full of sugar.

"Honey and Cinnamon bound to make this girl more sound.." 

(Okay so I need to brush up on my song writing. Cut me a break I have NO voice!)

I read on that website that honey and cinnamon are the cure for many different ailments. One being a raspy throat. Well I figured if I got rid of this raspyness death then maybe my voice would come back. 

HA.

Even though Winnie the Pooh was my all time FAVORITE cartoon and I own EVERY Pooh movie ever created and know all the words to all those movies, Pooh and I sure do not have this one thing in common. Honey. I HATE HONEY.

With a passion. I avoid it all all costs but I do cook with it a lot making sure I can't taste it. 

Anyways, I read that if you try a Tbsp of this that it will cure the sore throat. I don't have any tea to put it in and I didn't think honey, cinnamon and warm water sounded very appealing so this is what I came up with. The website wasn't very specific on instructions. Just keep that in mind.

*FACE PALM*

I just mixed these two key ingredients and it went down the hatch!

Followed by 10 minutes of gagging my brains out and hovering over my kitchen sink trying to holler at Emmett to bring me something to drink. But again, I had no voice so it took some time to get him there. 

I proceeded to take a steamy hot shower and discreetly cry. 

After all this you might be wondering, "Well did it work?"

Let me just say this.

NO. NO NO NO NO NO! It did not. I'm still coughing up what's left of my lungs, chugging Chloreseptic spray and to top it all off I can actually feel this huge glop of honey sitting in the pit of my stomach.

Never again, my friends. Never again.

Maybe you will have better luck if you ever need to try this. 

What's in store for the Fletchers

IT'S AUGUST WHAT WHHHATTT!!

That means there are lots of new happenins' in store for this family this month.

For starts:

One of my bestest best friends is getting married to her bestest best friend/one of my "older brothers" and that means a trip to the homeland of San Diego! 

Also, I just got a new job. I'm a mommy's helper! Aka, nanny. It's perfect because it's for a darling family I already know, it's super close and I can bring Haddie with me so I don't have to work around Emmett's schedule. SCORE! I got another job right before I was offered this one and I would have been working more hours for almost the same pay. So now I work LESS hours, same pay and I get my baby to be with me. DOUBLE SCORE! I start this coming week :) 

Emmett's little brother is starting college here this fall so he will be coming down from Washington to live in Provo! That means that all the siblings will be here and it is going to be a blast! Mommy and Daddy Fletcher are bringing him down this month so it will be great to see them. I know Haddie is excited! 

And to top off the long list of the fun happenins' this month...

Are you ready? Its kind of a doozy...

WE ARE MOVING.

Yep, it's true. We have thought and prayed long and hard about this decision and it seems to be the best for us at this time. As much as we have come to love the people we have met while in this ward, there are many pros we had to consider. Like the fact that we will be much closer to campus so Emmett won't have to ride his bike in the snow for an hr, we will be closer to family etc. 

After the water incidents we've had in this place it's time. Haddie needs her own room again, we need our own room again. 

I hope we can still stay in contact with the friends we have made while living here. I'll sure miss all the boys in my primary class, they have taught me so much! Before all the tears come, we still have a month here!