A lovely day o' love

 As we all know it was Valentine's Day the other day. A favorite holiday of mine! Well, I love every holiday but this one's definitely in my top 5ish! I seem to have this idea that when it's a holiday it should be celebrated all month instead of just the one day. So for Valentines that means red and pink heart outfits each day, cute head bands and lots of pictures. This day of love Emmett had classes so Haddiecakes and I dressed up and went shopping! While in the clothing  store (luckily there weren't more than 2 other customers at the time) sleepy Haddie decided she had an unnerving amount of energy all of a sudden and thought she had free rein of the entire place. She kicked her shoes off and ran and ran and ran, eventually putting holes in her tights. Luckily for me the sweet girls working were in high school and thought every little thing she did was "Just adorbs!" and "So presh!".  They danced in the mirrors with Hadds, chased her, picked her up. It was like having babysitters that let me do my shopping without being bugged. But of course they couldn't always keep an eye on her so there was a time she ran behind the counter and in the display windows, crawled under the changing room door (No, nobody was in there. Whew!) and she even dove head first into a clearance tub of high heels. Which then led to tears and a heel mark right in the middle of her forehead. I can easily say she napped very well when we got home. It sounds like I just let her run and cause chaos but of course I didn't did.

 You ever try shopping alone with a toddler? Yes? Then you know exactly how it goes.  No? Well, wait until you have children. Then you'll understand.

After her 2 1/2 hr nap (hallelujah!) we decided to do a mini photo shoot with our new camera. Keep in mind here, friends, that I have no editing programs except the old school one that came on my mac, that it's really hard to photograph a tot by yourself, it was getting dark and unfortunately I had no adorable props to use. Maybe next year will be better. Ha. 

The day started out with a heart/pink themed pancake breakfast! It's tradition!

Mr. Fletcher and I went out for a nice dinner to The Happy Sumo. Such good sushi! After dinner we sat in the car for a minute and discussed what we could do next. We had babysitters, dinner went faster than expected and it was only 7:30pm! We never did come up with anything so we just went home but it was an nice evening in relaxing and being with Haddie together.

This picture below was Valentine's Day last year. Haddie's first. I love it so much I decided I want to try and reenact it each year!

2013

2014

Hope you all had an enjoyable day with the ones you love and who love you! I'm so grateful for my eternal family!

Jazzercise milestones

I have a sweet friend, Candace, who just so happens to be a jazzercise instructor. She's been asking me to come to one of her classes and I really wanted to go but unfortunately things would keep coming up. So last night I finally was able to go and nerves were getting to me. I couldn't tell you why. Who is afraid of a little Jazzercise? Well, maybe the mom who hasn't worked out hard in years, who used to run a mile in 6 mins and now can't get around the block without wanting to pass out. Maybe the fact that my instructor is preggo and STILL rocking the stage, or the girl who never took dance classes in high school because she was too embarrassed and worried about what the other girls who had always been in dance would think of her. Yeahhh that'd be me, if you hadn't guessed by now. But I put on my big girl pants and marched down to the studio. Actually I just hitched a ride with Candace. 

I was worried I would have to stop a lot throughout it and that I'd be the one to look like a slobbery bulldog like this guy

while everyone else carried on like these women ----->

BUT I wasn't! I know I didn't look like these women or anywhere close. Really the only thing I have in common with them is the huge smile I had on my face throughout the entire class. I was really lovin' it.

Luckily I was able to get my sister in law, Andrea, to come without much convincing needed and she was able to bring our friend Carin along-with much more convincing. So that was nice to have some friends there to look silly with. Not that you guys looked silly or anything ;) No sillier than me at least! 

What I really loved about it was at no point was I feeling like I absolutely couldn't go any further. There were a few too many times that I wasn't keeping up because as soon as I'd have the moves finally down the song would be over and on to the next one haha. But it was fun to learn. But people, I'm telling you now, I'm hooked! I want to go back. I want to buy cute work out clothes and new shoes and go every week. Some of the moves I was thinking I wasn't feeling the burn where I should have been but boy do I feel sore this morning! I can't wait to go back! Your first time is free so you should totally come with me!! And then when you fall in love with it like I did it's only $10 a month-unlimited classes. (For students)

SnapChat, Selfies and Instagram-Oh my!

Oh come on. We've ALL done it. I remember back in the day when if you saw someone pull out their brick of a phone and snap a picture of themselves it was hilarious because they looked so down right ridiculous. Who just stands there and takes a picture of themselves? Ok, let's be real it's ALWAYS more than one picture. You have to check your angles, am I right? (Was your "double chin" showing?, The sun wasn't reflecting the beautiful blue in my eyes in that one, your lips weren't duck-like enough-take another). We've all been there. It's ok, no one is expecting you to admit it. Out loud anyway.

Well obviously over time things change and let's just say this, TIMES HAVE CHANGED, MY FRIENDS! It's still something we as people like to laugh at others for doing but we all still do it. Even though it's hard to believe, some people still don't own smart phones. They don't have Instagram or SnapChat. WHAT?! I know. I told you it might be hard to believe. But it's true. So when those without the social networks at their finger tips, burning holes in their pockets see us doing this it's still quiet humorous. Take my sweet husband for instance. When he sees me snap chatting someone he sees this:

The "Oh look at me-so cute and innocent" selfie

 The Miley Cyrus Selfie

 The "I can't get a good one might as well make it goofy" selfie

And the...actually I don't have a name for this one. Stink eye selfie? Sure. Roll with that one.

OK so not the most attractive of events taking place-I realize this. There, Hunny, is THAT what you wanted to hear? 



But what's really going on is I'm taking a perfectly acceptable picture like this:

Only, he's the one who knows they really turn out like this first:

I know you all know what I mean! Don't pretend you don't! And then here he is just making ridiculous faces AT me, laughing and thinking I'm the ridiculous one. Pssssh. He has some learning' to do ;) What he doesn't see are the faces HE'S making and how funny he looks. But still, even when I took pictures of those faces for him to see it was still me being the weirdo. Well, I'll let you be the judge.  Choose your side wisely.

He's reading over my shoulder now and saying that these are not the faces he makes but trust me, they are. Though he is right, a lot of the time he sits there staring at me with a look of, "What on Earth is going on with my Wifey over there?".

In the end, who cares. Yes, you, (we) look ridiculous but we all have our quirks ;)

Gifts of the Heart Exchange/blood bath.

Around here at BYU there is a huge event called, Gifts of the Heart Exchange. I had only found out about it a maybe a year ago. It's an activity students put together for student families in the area. You can go early to drop your unwanted items off and then come back to pick up whatever it is you need! Literally. Whatever it is you need. They have everything from baby gear (New strollers, car seats, bath tubs..) to house ware, clothing, toys, books etc. In the past when I've attended I've gotten a bag of clothes for Haddie, maybe a few pieces of clothing for Emmett and myself and maybe, if I was lucky, some other random piece of awesomeness. Like a mixer. I got a mixer last time.

Well last time I got there half an hr early and the line was already wrapping around the building! I brought two small bags and that was it. I remember seeing people walking out with bags and bags of stuff and strollers full of house hold items and things I know we could have really used. So this time? This time I went in with a game plan. Muahahaha! I scrapped myself up out of bed early, threw my hair up into a messy bun, and called it good. Well, I did get dressed, c'mon who do you think I am? I hauled our big stroller out to the car, in the snow, and went on to the church building it was being held at. I was an hr early and freezing my tookus off. I felt well prepared for this event this time around. I felt almost too prepared so I left our big stroller in the car and brought our small one. I couldn't look like I had been to too many of these now could I? I was 6th in line and so proud of myself. Until the frost bite started setting in and my toes felt like they had broken off inside my boot somewhere only to fall out once I took my boots off. (They aere still attached-don't worry). After an hr of waiting they finally opened the doors and that's when the blood bath started.

Ok so there wasn't really blood all over but if you've ever seen the Hunger Games, I picture it much like that. Everyone like wild animals pushing and shoving to get in, to get to the best stuff, to find the latest and greatest. Good thing I had my stroller and a game plan. (And my toes).  While in line I saw a lady walk in to donate a kids potty. Hadds has been showing lots of signs of being ready to potty train so I thought it'd be good to get one for her to see and get used to for a while before we started. Anyways, that was my go-to item. I dashed to the baby gear room and snatched that thing up like it was the last bag of apples in the arena! While there I found an uber nice-working-printer for Emmett and a lovely set of MATCHING salt and pepper shakers. That's a big deal, people. Now the room with all the stations set up with clothing are like the cornucopia. If you dare go in there you best watch out for hungry baby-clothing-wanting-momma bears ready to take anyone out who gets in their way. You might think I'm kidding but I'm beyond serious. They look like this:

And that's scary. But they were like 10x scarier. 

Well anyway I walked out of there weighed down in clothing, and good quality stuff we needed of freeeeeeeeeeeee ninety-nine!! And it was awesome. Happy days!

What happened Wed

Wednesday was a pretty normal day for the Fletcher Clan. Emmett was at school, Hadds and I were home playing and cleaning. Nothing out of the norm. Haddie played hard that day, took her normal naps, we ate nothing unusual for breakfast, lunch and snack times.
We were just about to start vacuuming when the men came home. (Emmett and Uncle Eric). After floors were cleaned and bellies were full we probably put on a movie.
   
When 4:30 rolled around soon after I left to go nanny. The kids and I read stories, played Wii, practiced music, homework, did hand stands and 'exercised'. We had BLTs for dinner and I was home by 8:30. Hadds and I did our standard bedtime routine. Jammies, story, song, snuggles and bed. 10pm-ish came around and I went to bed. I remember laying in bed trying to go to sleep but my tummy just felt...different. I felt like I needed to puke. Sometimes that happens though so I tried to ignore it. I fell asleep but was still in that weird in-between sleep and being awake mode and puking was still on my mind.

Then out of nowhere I jumped out of bed and screamed, "EMMETT!! EMMETT, HADDIE IS CHOKING!!" I ran to her room and sure enough my little nugget was face down in her own vomit gasping and crying. A mother just knows these things. I picked her up and rushed to the bathroom where Emmett met us and she continued to gag in the bathtub. Then.....I leaned over to the sink and tossed all my own cookies. My poor brother in law and our friend Daniel were in the living room when this was taking place and they had snuck out ever so quietly. Who could blame them? Then poor Emmett...he had two sick gals on his hands and well, only two hands. I was fending for myself while he took care of the Hadds.

This went on a lot of the night. errr, early morning. I was summoned to the couch and Emmett had Haddie in our bed with him. I could hear Haddie whimpering and I couldn't do anything for her. Heck, I couldn't do anything for myself! Until a thought came to me. A BLESSING! Duhhh. So I asked Emmett to give me one and he went to his sister's house, who is luckily our neighbor, (this was at 2am btw) and got our brother in law to give me one so he could hang on to Haddie.

I've always loved blessings. Never have I been given a sickness blessing and felt it work right away though. This time was different. While Aaron was giving me the blessing I was holding my rather large puke bowl and thinking "Please don't barf now... please don't barf now" because I felt like it was about to happen. As soon as it was over, I felt a million times better and I didn't get sick again. He gave one to Haddie too and she never got sick again either! In fact, she went right to sleep, and the next morning was almost her spunky self again, dancing and playing but still very tired. It wasn't until later in the afternoon she had a very bloated tummy and was in lots of pain, crying for hours and nothing was helping her. I ended up taking her to the dr but by then she was a lot better. The nurse looked her over and talked with me a lot and didn't even charge us!

Last night was a rough one for me though. Felt queasy, drained, couldn't eat anything and all I wanted was ice cream. Which I never got and still want, by the way haha. I took cat naps all day, then an hr long nap at 7 and went to bed at about 8 and slept until after 10 this morning. That's A TON of sleep people! That has to be a record for how long a mom gets sleep. Right? Well this morning I'm loads better and so is Haddie. She's a wee bit of a crank today though. But who could blame her?

Well, that post was a lot longer on barfing than I had anticipated. If you made it this far, good for you, and thanks! Till next time!

Oh, Hey there, New Year.

I know, I know. It's been a little long since my last post and we didn't leave on the best of notes. Depression. Who has time for THAT!?

This year, though it's only been barely an entire month, has been one of our bests around here lately. We have some amazing things to look forward to this year, so much to be grateful for and so much we are excited to work on. Together. As a family. Just to catch you up and not leave you hanging, wondering what could she possibly be talking about (looking forward to whhhatt??) I'l fill you in.


It's Emmett's last, yes, LAST, semester!!! WHHHAAATTT!? That means easy peasy classes and more time at home. Seriously, I couldn't have asked for anything more. Haddiecakes loves to have 'Daduuuhh' home with us too. He's job searching so pray for us and wish us luck please!

We've made some wonderful friends recently. Friendships we hope will last even when it's time to leave the Utah bubble. Mommy and mommy-to-be friends have really helped me grow (No, I don't mean taller. Let's be real that kind of growth for me is loooong gone) but grow as a mommy and learn a lot. I'm grateful for them and getting me out of the house more. I've made it a point to get out of the house at least once a day. Maybe for a walk, trip to the library whatever it may be and that has helped tremendously. 

We've made resolutions and so far stuck with those.  Some are silly, some are hard but we are proud of our new goals and commitments. 

I can say proudly and honestly say that I am happier than I have been in a long time. It really has been due to my attitude adjustment, exercise and eating better. Can I get a Hallelujah?!

I cut about 11 inches of my hair off. It may sound silly but that alone has made me feel like I can accomplish anything. It was a huge step for me. I marched over to me sister in laws and said, "How do you feel about spontaneous decisions?", and BAM! Haircut. 

Haddie:

In a matter of weeks her vocabulary has soared and she runs...FAST! Some of her favorite words are: Uh-Oh, Yeah, Mama, Daduuuhh, Hot, Ahhh (after taking drinks), ball, up, woah, ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! (for when she wants something for her) and some others she doesn't say quiet as much. It's exciting! 

She has met some friends her age and loves to have them around to run and play with. I'm SO so glad we have some youngins around so she can have playmates her age. Her favorite activities include: going up and down stairs-by herself, dancing, twirling in circles over and over and over and over and I'm totally not exaggerating how much she spins in circles, going outside, sliding, playing with other kids, reading books, she recently starting singing and humming, climbing on and into everything, drawing, climbing on our table and dancing in our window, hide and seek, chase, and she loves to clean! Thank goodness for that. She sweeps with me, holds the dust pan for me, pushes the vacuum around the living room while it's on, washes her hands and wipes her mouth after eating (or just for fun) and flushing the toilet. 

Here's a funny story for you. Haddie has a good friend who happens to be our neighbor, they are only about 8 days apart and really get along well. In church on Sunday we got there a little late so we had to sit in the back when normally we are in the front. Her friend came from behind us with some graham crackers to share. We were near an open space so it was ok for them to walk around where we were. So this little friend starts laying down the crackers on the floor and backing up. Haddie climbed off me to grab the cracker and found herself following a trail of crackers made by her friend. It was so funny! They chatted it up, walked around, played and then out of no where Hadds decides to make a break for it. She ran all the way up the isle to the front of the church and headed straight for the piano. I was a ways behind her speed walking as fast as my little legs would allow looking at the ground and trying not to make eye contact when I hear LOUD piano keys being played. Of course there is my daughter on her tip toes banging on the piano, all eyes on her when a poor sister is just trying to giver her talk. I said, "Haddie, this isn't YOUR time, this is HER time" and of course people around me heard and laughed. Embarrassing but a story I'll cherish forever. Kid loves her music. She attempted this at least two more times before the end of our service. 

Well, that's all for now folks! (:

Tested Tried and Tired but doing so cheerfully

Today was one of the very best days I've had in a long time. I really felt God's love for me today in some of the most unexpected ways. For a long time, probably since Haddie has been born, I felt like God had forgotten about me or just had me set aside on the back burner. I've been struggling with the dark battle of depression, not really being able to pinpoint it on any one thing. In my mind I just thought people were dealing with much bigger issues than I was so God didn't need to worry about me as much. I know He loves me but I needed to FEEL it again. I can see now that He has been putting things in my path like, "Helloooo?? Danica, LOOK, RIGHT HERE!! This is me helping you, guiding you, I'm listening, now listen to me!!" The only two people who know I have been battling this is my darling, supportive husband and my loving mother. My husband getting the worst of it. Picking fights, crying episodes, messy apartment, struggling with my testimony, the list goes on. I'm really ashamed of how I have acted. But, I suppose it's all part of the process.

I keep thinking to myself, "I didn't sign up for this." "This is not how it's supposed to be." But I still don't know what I have been expecting. This last month I have been hit hard with direction, love and support but was so hung up on "This is just what I have to live with and how it's going to be" that I was missing all the signs of help. How many life savers can God throw a drowning person before He just gives up and  thinks, "Well, she obviously doesn't want the help and can fix it herself, I'm done trying."? The answer? The only answer is, as many as He needs to until you finally put on that dang life jacket and hop in the boat! I feel so silly for sitting there with a hundred life jackets around me, I'm drowning and still trying to flap my arms around to keep my head above water. I'm tired and exhausted.

   Emmett and I were just talking to our Home Teachers today, two members  of the church who come to visit us each month and share a spiritual message. A lot of the time home teachers will ask how you are, if there is anything they can do for us. Well, the obvious answer is that I'm good and no, we don't need anything but thanks for asking. Which of course is what I always said. But really I'm screaming inside saying I needed help but I didn't know with what and I'm not doing too well but I can't tell you why, because I don't know! Depression is a real thing. A huge percentage of people deal with it everyday. We got on this subject with our home teachers, it was the first time I openly discussed this 'problem' with anyone outside my husband and mother, in much depth. I finally felt free. I was expecting for it to just disappear, cat's out of the bag, we're all good here now! But unfortunately it doesn't work like that. I told them this: Struggling with depression is like walking around with a missing limb. Apart of me just didn't feel 'normal'.  I was afraid people would look and think of me as a person with a handicap if anyone knew what I was trying to overcome. I had to be the ONLY one dealing with this. Truth is, I can't do it alone. In reality, having depression or missing a limb is NOT a handicap and if you talk to anyone living with one of these or the other would probably agree. I'm the only one who can make it a handicap, and I have been. It became an excuse. Well, obviously it's not a good day for me so I can't do the dishes. I can't make dinner.  I can't move from the couch. I can't read my scriptures, say my prayers or actively participate in Family Home Evening. I just CAN'T feel the spirit anymore. I made a deal with my Heavenly Father when I was baptized into The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. I would keep the commandments, read my scriptures, pray everyday, love others, serve others, go to the temple often, love my family, TRUST IN HIM and in return He would lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. And most of all, LOVE ME. 

I felt short changed this last year. Where's the spirit and love I felt when I was baptized and the acceptance this last yr or so? Well, looking back now, who wasn't keeping their half of the bargain? ME. I have everything and everyone I need right in front of me and these people and things just keep knocking on my door like, "Hey! Let's count your blessings!"Life line after life line. I had been asked to speak in church (which gets me really nervous) and I shared stories straight from my journal about my conversion and the love Heavenly Father has for me. I cried. I felt His presence so much in my life right then but I guess that still wasn't enough of a wake up call to me. Tonight the sisters in my ward (church community) had a fireside, a spiritual thought from a couple speakers. Some sisters bravely shared their heartbreaking experiences they have had to overcome, and really, in a mind boggling sort of way, were blessed with. They shared how these trials brought them closer to the Lord, even if at first, and even for many years later, they felt abandoned by Him. The room was strong with the spirit and heavy hearts. But I know each and every person in that room left with a lifted spirit and a brighter hope. If I'm wrong, I can at least say that I sure came out a new person. Refreshed. I know it's ok, and actually a positive thing, to share our stories with others. Especially if it means you can help someone in some way or another and find others going through what you are too. Tonight, so many women connected with others they maybe had never even talked to before and because of that, love spread like wildfire and the ever so dim light of hope sparked a fire again. A few of my favorite words of hope expressed tonight were these and I hope they bring you as much comfort as they did me.

"This will NOT beat me! I will NOT be a victim!"

"How did you overcome it?"

"I was on my knees and in the scriptures...A LOT."

"The Lord has a plan for me. Shall I falter or shall I finish?"

"I shall finish."

"And it came....to PASS."

 We may not all be going through something as tragic as losing a child, or battling cancer, but our trials are real. Some harder than others. But that does not mean that our Heavely Father can't feel our pain or loves us any less. It doesn't mean He is leaving us behind thinking we can't keep up so we might as well forfeit life.  I'm humbly writing this now, but I know I'll have days, probably sooner than I'd like to admit, that I'll feel low and lonely again but I know I'm not. I know if I hold up my end of the bargain that my Heavenly Father will too. And even if I don't, He will continue to keep his foot in the door and and maybe give me a kick or two, throwing life lines left and right until I finally snatch one and accept the help. I'm grateful for the trials I have had in my life. A lot that will be lifelong battles, that make me dreary somedays, but because I know I have a loving husband, family and extended family, a spiritual family, that will never leave me alone. I know that whatever trials we are enduring, we need to keep enduring till the end. That there WILL be an end, and we are bigger than them. Come unto Christ and we can overcome anything, better and stronger than when we went into them. Serving others brings hope, spreads love and can present the most humbling of experiences. I know that no matter how many life lines we let drift off and crash in the waves of our trials that there will always be another thrown our way. It's up to us to prepare ourselves for those the best that we can. It's important to ask for help when needed. This does NOT make you a weaker person. It's also important for us to let God use us as His tools, His life lines, like these women did for me tonight. He loves us SO much, we are literally children of God and He wants to help us. He wants the best for us. He trusts us to make our own decisions. We already made the best one by deciding to come to Earth to live this life, knowing we were to be tried and tested. We must do everything we can to return to our Heavenly Father. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.

Doctrine and Covenants 78:17-18:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great the blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, BE OF GOOD CHEER, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours."

PS, I love you all. That's why you should read this talk.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng